It all started when found an EXTREME LASER TURD GATLING GUN! I found it while I was an intern at the white house government security branch. I found out that it shot EXPLODING LASER TURD MISSLES! Being the Jewish Terrorist Mormon Heretic I am, I shot them at my own parents, but they just turned into ghosts and haunted me for .666 seconds. I was also a republican, so I killed all the democrats. I continued my rampage until I had destroyed all of America, some of italy, and a small sliver of England. the British and Italian Armies declared war on me. I had only one person in the world who could help me, an exact replica of my 22nd dog, George Bush. The Armies quickly shot his ass up. I was forced to surrender, and I was locked in a dungeon where I was raped by pirates in my ass for 2 hours a day. Then, I broke out and got my EXTREME LASER TURD GATLING GUNS! I grew 5 more hands so I could use 7 EXTREME LASER TURD GATLING GUNS! at a time. I killed the British and Italian Armies quickly. Afterwards, I offered myself to the lord Satan, who called me (HE was phone!) and then a skeleton popped out! You're next!1!1!!1! I changed my mind, and plotted a coup d'etat against Satan, eventually the coup was succesful and I took over hell. I then started an all out war with heaven, with me as the new Satan, when I saw God. But he wasn't God, he was really my 69th cat, Mr.Wilson! I apologized to Mr.Wilson for the war and we shook hand-to-paw. We then teamed up, made our underlings breed, and we created a army of Demon-Angels, which we then used to enslave all of the universe and made everyone our buttsexs slaves. Then Vladamir Putin came in and he slit my throat, causing my blood to spill on the floor. he did the same to Mr.Wilson and the entirety of the Demon-Angels. Eventually, we all bled to death, and were sent to hell. But, since I'm the new Satan, we were all fine. Then Vladamir did it again. The vicious cycle continued, until we eventually gave up and went back in time and destroyed the EXTREME LASER TURD GATLING GUNS! so this would never had happened.
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